Firm but Fair: Helping Children Feel Safe and Secure
Throughout childhood, children are still developing key behaviours: self-control, emotional regulation and decision-making. For children to safely learn and understand these key concepts, adults must provide structure in the life of each child, both in the home and certainly in the school environment. There are many benefits to providing children with clear boundaries, including predictability, safety, security and clear structure. A clear structure provided by adults creates a predictable environment, where children can learn, both academically and life skills. Firm boundaries are not the opposite of a caring environment; when communicated calmly and consistently, they are one of the ways adults create security for children. Children are able to thrive in an environment where adults are warm and caring, with consistent and firm expectations that are clearly communicated.
One of the key benefits of boundaries and predictability in a child’s life and education is safety. When children know what is going to happen, it reduces uncertainty, allowing them to feel more secure in their environment. Within a classroom, clear expectations allow students to understand which behaviours are acceptable and what will happen when these expectations are not met. Simple routines, such as, how students enter the classroom, ask for help, transition between activities or interact with other students, provide structure throughout the school day. When these routines remain consistent, children do not need to continually work out what is expected of them and can instead focus more of their attention on learning. For this reason, establishing clear routines and expectations should be an important part of classroom management from the beginning of the school year.
However, being firm does not mean being harsh. There is an important difference between providing clear boundaries and controlling children through fear, shouting or excessive punishment. Healthy boundaries should be communicated calmly, clearly and in a way that is appropriate for the age of the child. Teachers can maintain authority while continuing to demonstrate care and respect towards their students. For example, a teacher may tell a child, “It is okay to feel angry, but it is not okay to hit another student.” This recognises that the child’s emotion is real whilst maintaining a firm boundary around their behaviour. In this way, teachers can be firm on the boundary whilst remaining kind towards the child. A consequence should be designed to guide and teach the child rather than embarrass or intimidate them.
Clear boundaries also play an important role in helping children develop self-control and emotional regulation. These skills are not instantly developed and children require the assistance of adults as they gradually learn to regulate their own behaviour. Initially, teachers and parents provide much of this regulation through rules, routines, reminders and appropriate consequences. As children mature, they can begin to internalise these expectations and take greater responsibility for their own actions. A young student may initially stop running inside because a teacher reminds them of the rule; however, over time, the goal is for the child to understand the reason for the rule and make the safe decision without requiring an adult to intervene. Therefore, the purpose of boundaries should not simply be to produce obedient children, but to help children gradually develop the ability to make responsible decisions for themselves.
For boundaries to be effective, consistency is essential. Children will naturally explore and test the limits that are placed around them as they learn how the world works. When an adult communicates a boundary but repeatedly changes it after arguing, complaining or negotiation, the boundary can quickly lose its meaning. Similarly, inconsistency between adults can create confusion. If one teacher consistently corrects students for running through the classroom while another regularly ignores the same behaviour, children can become uncertain about whether the expectation is important. This does not mean that every child or situation must always receive exactly the same response. Teachers must still use professional judgement and consider individual circumstances; however, the overall expectations should remain clear and consistent.
Firm boundaries can also provide children with greater freedom rather than restricting it. When children clearly understand the limits of an environment, they know the space in which they are free to explore, participate and make choices. A simple example of this can be seen in a playground. Children can be given significant freedom to choose what and who they play with, whilst still having clear boundaries regarding where they may go and what behaviours are unsafe. The same principle applies within the classroom. Once students understand the expectations for group work, classroom discussion or independent activities, teachers can often provide them with greater independence because the students understand the boundaries in which they are working. Clear boundaries therefore do not need to remove choice; instead, they can create a safe framework in which appropriate choice can take place.
The way boundaries are communicated is equally important. Expectations should be clear enough that children understand exactly what is required of them. Telling a young child to “behave properly” may mean very little if they have not been taught what appropriate behaviour looks like in that particular situation. Teachers should explicitly teach important classroom expectations, demonstrate them and provide opportunities for students to practise them. Positive behaviour should also be acknowledged rather than teachers only responding when expectations are broken. When children understand both what they should do and why the expectation exists, boundaries become an opportunity for learning rather than simply a set of rules they must follow.
Finally, parents and schools should work together wherever possible to provide children with consistent expectations. There will naturally be differences between the home and school environment, and each family may approach boundaries differently. However, communication between parents and teachers is particularly important when there are ongoing behavioural concerns. Parents should understand the major expectations that their child is required to follow at school, while teachers should communicate concerns clearly before behaviours become more serious. Consistency between teachers is also important, particularly for school-wide expectations such as respectful communication, physical safety and appropriate interaction with others.
Children need warmth, encouragement, opportunities to make choices and the freedom to express their emotions. However, these things do not need to come at the expense of boundaries. Clear and consistent expectations can create a predictable environment where children feel safe enough to learn, make mistakes and grow. As children mature, the boundaries provided by adults can gradually lead towards greater independence, self-control and responsibility. Teachers should therefore not be afraid to be firm when firmness is required. When boundaries are communicated calmly, fairly and consistently, they are not a barrier to a caring learning environment; they are an important part of creating one.
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